


changes of heart

by stuff_and_nonsense



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22060666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuff_and_nonsense/pseuds/stuff_and_nonsense
Summary: Late nights, seagulls, and finding good company.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 11
Kudos: 96
Collections: Fandom Trumps Hate 2019





	changes of heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jade_Sabre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jade_Sabre/gifts).



> Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Written for Fandom Trumps Hate 2019. 
> 
> The first scene is set during episode 77, and the rest after episode 89 (and is definitely going to be contradicted soon...)

Jester can’t sleep. 

It’s really stupid – she just got to talk to the Traveler, and it was super great, so why can’t she stop worrying? Every time she starts to drift off, her mind goes back to Travelercon, or their upcoming trip to Zadash, or Yasha… Even the sound of Beau snoring, which is usually great for helping her sleep, like hearing the ocean, isn’t helping tonight.

Finally she gives up and gets out of bed. Beau’s definitely asleep, but maybe Caleb’s still up – he’d said he was going to read for a while.

She doesn’t see him in the study. She’s about to leave – maybe she’ll go sit in the garden instead - when she notices the bird.

It’s a little grey-and-brown sparrow, sitting on one of the bookshelves. It flaps its wings when she looks at it, then hops along the shelf, chirping at her.

“Hello!” she says. “How’d you get in here?” She hasn’t seen many birds in Rohsona, under the eternal night sky, even at their big tree. Maybe it followed them through a teleportation circle. 

It chirps again, and hops closer. Jester chirps back, and offers a finger, delighted when it climbs on. She’s never gotten a bird to do that before. 

“Do you know about the Traveler?” she asks. “I bet you’d be a really good follower for him. You could poop on everything, it would be really funny.”

It hops down onto the nearest table, where it fluffs out its feathers and settles down, looking super cute. Jester tells it to wait, and runs to get her sketchbook. Caleb’s probably asleep, but at least she can hang out with the bird instead.

While she draws, she tells the sparrow about the roc they’d seen a while ago, although she’s not sure if it understands. Maybe Caduceus can ask if it’s still here tomorrow.

“I’m glad I was up to meet you,” she says as she sketches out the shape of its body. “Even if it’s because I can’t sleep because I keep thinking about what we’re going to do. We’ve been traveling all over the place, but we still don’t know how to find the beacons or rescue Yasha or anything.” She starts to fill in the lines of its feathers, pressing a little harder than she needs to.

After a while there’s a pop, and the bird disappears. In its place is Caleb, sitting on the table for just a moment before he tips off the side and lands on the floor with a clatter.

“I am very sorry,” he says as he gets up and brushes himself off. “I did not mean to eavesdrop on you under false pretenses.”

“Were you just hanging out here as a bird?” she asks. “It’s super late, you know.”

“I could say the same to you,” Caleb says. He turns a little pink. “I finished my reading, but couldn’t sleep. Sometimes polymorphing helps my mind be a little quieter.”

“You should be careful!” she says. “Your cat might eat you.”

“Frumpkin is too well-behaved for that,” Caleb replies. “He would never. I do worry a little bit about your weasel though.”

“Sprinkle would never either!” Jester says, a little offended. “Anyway, he’s asleep in his nest right now.”

“That is reassuring,” says Caleb. He hesitates. “Well, I’ll leave you in peace. I’m sorry again to interrupt.”

Jester stops him. Maybe she should let him go to bed – he probably wants privacy – but she really doesn’t want to be alone yet. “Wait!” she says. “I was actually looking for you at first, because I couldn’t sleep either. And I drew you! When you were a bird. Do you want to see?”

He gets a funny sort of clenched up look, one of those weird Caleb looks, where he seems really sad about something, but there’s a little bit of a smile too. “Of course,” he says quietly.

She turns her sketchbook for him to see. It’s just a sketch, but she got his little puff of rumpled features and bright beady eyes, and she thinks it’s pretty good. “You are pretty cute like that, you know,” she says.

“It is a very nice drawing,” Caleb replies. 

“You’ll have to let me draw you as a human sometime,” Jester tells him. He has a good face for it. Strong chin, big nose, nice little ponytail nowadays.

It’s hard to tell in the dimly lit room, but she thinks he turns a little red. “That would be much less cute.”

“No, you’d look super good,” she says. “You’re very-“ now she’s blushing too, and this isn’t really how she meant this to go, even though now that she’s thinking about it, his face is pretty nice. “You’ve been taking baths for like, weeks now, so it couldn't be too bad.”

He laughs, just a little, and then there’s a long silence. 

Jester finally breaks it. “Caleb, what I said earlier, about if you ever want to talk. I really mean it, ok?” Why is she talking so quickly? How is she nervous about this too? “If you’re worried about the Scourger, or about anything else, you can tell me, you know? If that’s another way to make your mind quieter.” She reaches out on impulse, and touches his hand, just her fingertips resting on his.

He stares at it for a moment, the point where their hands touch, but doesn't pull away from her. “Thank you, Jester,” he says, “Not – not yet. But thank you. And – the same for you, ja? If you ever want, erm, an ear to talk to. I am always happy to listen.”

She doesn’t really know where to start. She’d wanted company, but now she’s all muddled up – she wants to help him, and wants to share her worries, but now that there’s this weight to it, she can’t find the right thing to say. Even so, it’s been nice, having someone to sit with, and she thinks she’ll sleep better now. She gives Caleb’s hand a quick squeeze, then lets go. “Maybe later, ok? Goodnight, Caleb.”

***

The next weeks are a flurry of traveling – Nicodranas, to Zadash, to Rexxentraum, to Rohsona. They get Yasha back, and beat Obann, and set up the peace negotiations, and then they’re back in Nicodranas again. It’s as beautiful as ever, and it’s great to see her mom, even if it’s only for a couple days while they get ready to sail to Travelercon. 

Jester’s excited but she can’t seem to stop worrying. It’ll go great of course. The Traveler’s the best, and she’s the best at following him, and everybody’s going to like her. But there’s still so much she doesn’t know about what’s going to happen. And it’s always weird to be here for such a short time.

They’re not leaving until tomorrow morning though, and her mom is working this afternoon, and she doesn’t want to just sit around at the Chateau. She wanders over to Caleb. 

“You know how you told me you like being a bird sometimes?” she says. “Do you want to go be a seagull with me?” 

“Hmm?” Caleb looks up from checking his pockets. 

“If you’re not busy,” she says. “I want to go look at Nicodranas, but I still technically need to be in disguise here, and I thought, you know what would be super cool? If I turned into a bird and flew around the city like that. But you know, it might be pretty dangerous, so maybe someone should go with me.”

“Ja, it’s probably best for us not to go off alone still. In any case, I’d like to see the city that way as well. Maybe you can give me a tour.”

Great! Jester casts the spell, and turns herself into a seagull, bright blue of course. She hops onto the table and watches as Caleb poofs into a bird too. It takes them a little bit to make it out of the chateau – she gets a little turned around, and then Beau comes down so Jester has to go sit on her shoulder, and then Caleb finds some leftover fish on one of the tables and the other guests get really upset for some reason. But eventually they make it out through the door and up into the bright blue Nicodranas sky.

They land on the Chateau’s roof and squawk at each other there for a while. Then she thinks it would be cool to visit Yussah’s tower, so they fly over there and try to land on it. It’s super weird – it gets bigger and bigger as they get closer, but then shrinks away again when they try to sit on the roof. Eventually Caleb flies away, which is probably good because this is really confusing. Jester follows him out over the ocean, which is amazing from up here. They swoop around, teasing each other, diving towards the water, seeing how high up they can go. Jester sees a fish and tries to grab it, but misses and skims across the surface instead, rising back up in a spray of salt. This is amazing – she can see why Caleb likes it so much. Next time she’ll have to see what being a giant eagle when nothing’s trying to kill them is like.

They fly back over the city, which looks tiny below them. Everything’s tiny- even if the Laughing Hand or Tharizdun or whoever was here, it feels like she’d be able to swoop down and swallow them up like they were no problem. 

Caleb screeches, and dives down into an alley, where he expands back into a human. Jester follows and does the same, stretching her arms out. Caleb next to her is windblown and sprayed with seawater. He seems more relaxed than he’s been in months – it’s disorienting, but it's a good look on him.

“We’ll have to go back to the ocean again!” Jester says. “I know I can get that fish this time.”

“I did manage to eat some at the Chateau,” says Caleb. “You’ll have to go back and apologize for me to the guests there. I hope your mother wasn’t too inconvenienced.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” says Jester. “It’s not the first time a bird’s gotten in there.”

“And how many of those birds did you open a window for?”

“I can’t tell you all my secrets!” She boops him on the nose, and he actually laughs aloud, looking ten years younger. “Do you need to head back?” she asks him, a little reluctantly. She’s still excited from their flight, and doesn't really want to yet.

“Well, I can always use more paper and supplies, since we are out in the city anyway. Would you mind a bit more of a walk?”

Jester definitely wouldn’t, so they head over to the shopping district and pick up what he needs. They pass a pastry shop too, which is filling the whole road with the smell of cinnamon, and Caleb suggests stopping in before she does. They leave with two dozen, because who knows when she’ll have another chance to get them, and she even manages to paint a dick right on the glass of the counter while they’re ordering.

They pass a dress shop too, and Jester’s looking idly at them – she probably doesn’t need one, but they’re nice. There’s a lady in there chewing out a shopgirl who looks like she’s about to cry. Jester’s wondering what she can do to mess with her when Caleb catches her eye and puts a finger to his lips. He pulls a handful of sparkling dust from a pocket and moves his fingers, whispering an incantation. 

Nothing seems to happen at first, until the lady tries to turn away in a huff, and the massive hat she’s wearing stays behind, floating in midair. Jester holds back her giggles, and goes in to try and help, which gives her a great chance to hang from the thing and swing around. 

Five minutes later, the lady’s displayed a surprising range of vocabulary, chased Jester off, and is gearing up to start taking it out on the shopgirl again. Jester casts a quick dispel magic just as the lady’s giving another huge tug on the hat. The woman stumbles goofily forward before catching herself and hurrying off indignantly. 

Jester and Caleb make themselves scarce before the shopgirl can think to ask them any questions. “I hope that was an appropriate use of the gold dust you got me,” Caleb says.

“Yes, Caleb, that was great!” she says. This has been such a nice day, a great distraction, and she doesn’t want it to end yet. “Let me show you something in return, ok?”

They go back to the Lavish Chateau, and she takes him up to one of her favorite hiding spots, a storage closet on the third floor with a hole that lets you see the whole main hall, with the stage and everything. It’s a little tighter than she remembers, but they make it in, pushing the mops aside and sitting with their knees tight against each other.

“I spent so much time here when I was a kid,” she says, “watching my mom’s shows.”

Caleb looks at her for a long time. “Do you wish you could move back here, Jester? Or live with your mom again?”

“I don’t know…” She shuffles her feet, kicking them against his. “I miss her so much, but you know, I would never have met any of you guys, or found my dad, or seen all the cool things we’ve seen. So I guess not, but sometimes when things are really scary I do want to just come back in here and hide.”

“Are you scared now? Of what’s going to happen?”

“Well yeah. I don’t know what Travelercon will be like, or if the other people there will like me, or what other giant monsters people are going to try to let out. We stopped the last guys and got Yasha back, but there’s so much else out there.” She hugs her knees tighter. “What about you? Are you scared?”

“Of course I am,” Caleb says. “I think it would be foolish not to be. There are too many forces out there that wish us ill, like you said. But I’m less scared than I was. For the first time in years, it feels like I – we – might actually have the power to change something.”

“Yeah, I hope so…” says Jester. There’s another moment of quiet, and she’s aware of how close together they are, their legs pressed against each other. She considers teasing him about it – it’s always fun to watch him turn red – but if she does, he’ll probably stop. And she doesn’t want that right now. It’s nice to have that point of contact, to feel less alone. To have Caleb want to come here with her, to be alone together, when he could be studying his books or worrying about the Chained Oblivion or anything else in the world.

She decides to try an experiment. She scoots around to the other wall of the closet, so that she’s sitting next to Caleb instead of across from him. She leans into his side, and so slow, so careful, reaches out to take his hand.

She can’t quite see the expression on his face, but she can tell he’s looking at her – eyes on her chin, not meeting her eyes, but intent. Then his hand tightens around hers, squeezing firm and steady. Like he never wants to let go.

That’s when it occurs to her that maybe this is more than she’d thought. That this isn’t just about wanting to have someone with her, but about wanting to be alone with Caleb specifically. Caleb, who’s always trying to look out for her, who helps her out with pranks, who tries to hide how kind and funny he is. Who really does have a very nice chin. It’s not like her earlier crush, where it had seemed so obvious, but it’s something warmer and deeper, that’s crept up slowly and opened up to fill her whole chest. 

“Caleb,” she says quietly, “you know, I like you a whole lot.”

His hand loosens on hers. “I… like you very much too, Jester,” he says, his voice broken. “I’m very grateful for the chance to be your friend.”

She’s trying to find the words for what to say next, how to get it out smoothly. Finally, she just goes for it. “Caleb,” she asks, “um, if you don’t mind, could I maybe kiss you?”

He freezes. “I, er, I – I don’t think that would be a very good idea.”

“Sorry, sorry,” she says. “If you don’t want to that’s fine.”

“Jester, it’s not – you’re very –“ His fingers tie knots around each other. “It’s been – easier to forget myself lately, but I am a very bad person. I shouldn’t – I can’t -“

“Caleb, Caleb, it’s ok. We don’t have to. But I don’t think you’re a bad person, alright?”

He laughs bitterly, choked. 

“You – you are very kind to say that.”

“I know there’s something you did that really hurt you,” Jester says. “And maybe it was really really bad. If you say so then I believe you. But I know what you’re like now. Plus Yasha hurt people too, and Cali, but they didn’t want to – does that make them bad? Whatever you did, I’ll still care about you, ok? You don’t have to tell me, but I don’t think anything could be bad enough that I wouldn't.”

Caleb’s eyes are closed. He’s let go of her hand, and is gripping his own knees tightly. “Jester,” he says, “I murdered my parents. I trapped them in their house and set it on fire, and I chose to do it, every bit of it.”

“This was – while you were at the academy?” she asks quietly. “While that guy was experimenting on you?”

He nods, eyes still closed. “If you want me to leave – I would understand, I would not blame you.”

“Caleb, I’m so sorry,” she says. She thinks she might be crying. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“So I can’t,” he whispers hoarsely, “can’t drag you down with me. I should not be – involved like that.”

“Caleb,” she says. “You’re not bad.” She’s definitely crying now. “You were tricked into doing it by some awful, awful people, and they’re the ones who should hate themselves, not you. And even if you did want to hurt them and you used to be a bad person, I know you’re not now. I know how you treat me, and Nott and Beau and all of us, and nothing you used to do is going to make me hate you, ok?”

He takes her hands in his, holds tight. “I – do not understand why you wouldn’t, but I do believe you. And I care about you very much too, Jester. You make me forget for a while, what I am and what I’ve done. But I still – you are too good for me. I would not drag you into this mess of myself.”

“I mean Caleb,” she says, “it’s fine if you don’t want to kiss me or anything. But we’re all involved in all this mess with wizards and gods and everything, and I’m your friend anyway, and I’ve also seen some pretty terrible things, so it’s not like you’re protecting me from anything. So just, you know, if you want to stay here with me you can. It doesn’t matter what you did.” 

There’s a long, slow moment where he looks at her. His hand moves forward just a bit. Then: “No, I can’t.” And he’s gone.

***

She’s fine. This is fine. Maybe it was kind of shitty of her, to push like that when he’s carrying all that weight from his past around. She’s putting her silly problems and her silly – crush? She supposes it’s a crush out there when there’s so much more to worry about.

But it hadn’t seemed like he thought she was silly. He’s never treated like she was silly. Maybe he just likes her like she likes him. Or maybe he just thinks he’s not good enough.

She talks to the Traveler about it. “I don’t know what to do,” she says. She might be tearing up again. “I don't know if he doesn’t like me, or if he just – doesn’t like himself so much that he said no.”

“Well, I can’t imagine that anyone wouldn’t like you. And I’m afraid I don’t know how to deal with someone disliking themself. I’m not particularly familiar with the feeling,” says the Traveler. “This isn’t my area of expertise, but maybe he just needs a little nudge. I can help you out with those potions I suggested before. Or maybe you could draw him a sexy picture?”

“I’ll think about it,” Jester says. “Thanks Traveler.” She knows he’s just trying to help. But she doesn’t think it’ll make the problem any better, and she thinks probably if she flirts more, the way she used to with Fjord, it’ll probably just chase him away.

Well, she’ll just have to leave him alone and make sure she’s all right. She’ll be fine. She’s always fine. It’s pretty dumb, actually, to get so worked up over this when there’s so much else going on.

The next day, they’re on a boat to the Swavain Islands. She doesn’t see much of Caleb, but there’s a seagull that spends an awful lot of time perched on the mast, even when they’re way too far from shore. She thinks about joining it sometimes, but stops herself – would that be pushing too hard?

She spends her time with Yasha and Beau and Nott, sometimes sitting quietly together, sometimes exploring the ship’s underbelly and finding new and exciting corners to draw dicks in. She calls her Mama every night, to tell her about what they’ve seen that day and how excited she is for Travelercon.

She talks to the others about her worries sometimes, about how she’s actually kind of nervous about what will happen when they get there. It really does help, to have them listen. She thinks about asking about Caleb too – is he doing ok? But, well, it’s pretty obvious. People who are super ok don’t spend six hours a day as a seagull. 

Then they decide to go fight a basilisk.

They’re a day out from the island where they’d find it, and they argue for an hour about whether to detour to it or not. Jester’s not sure about it – they have enough danger without going towards more. But they could use the money because they can never have enough diamonds, and they should do something nice for Pumat, and every one’s a little antsy after so long on this boat, so maybe a fight would help them out. And they can totally take a basilisk, if they could take the Laughing Hand and that super gross Obann thing. She just really doesn’t want to bring anybody back to life again, but it’ll probably be fine.

She decides to talk to Caleb the next day, as they’re watching the island get closer. He’s leaning over the railing, fussing with a piece of yarn and staring off into the distance.

She leans over next to him. “So how big do you think this basilisk is? More or less than that white dragon?”

He turns to her, and there’s a tiny smile there, peeking through the morose cloud. Her heart leaps – he’s not upset that she’s talking to him, she’s not pushing it too hard. They can just go back to how things were.

“Hopefully much less,” he says. “Frumpkin-sized, if we’re very lucky.”

“That would be so cute!” Jester exclaims. “Maybe we could keep it as a pet. It could be friends with Sprinkle and Frumpkin.”

“I am not sure how much they would like that,” he says. “Maybe if you make it a blindfold.”

“That’s a great idea! I could write ‘the traveler is awesome’ on it, and it could be a whole advertisement – he’s cool enough that he makes basilisks be your friend.”

They laugh, and look back at the ocean for a minute.

“You have to promise me something, ok?” she says.

“Of course.” He’s looking at her a little too seriously, and gods, she just really wants to put her hand under that great chin of his and kiss him. But she holds herself back – what has changed, that he wouldn’t just run away from her again?”

Instead she says: “If I turn into a statue, you have to do something really cool with it, ok? Make a big temple for the Traveler and put me in it, or hide it in a bathroom to scare people or something.”

She hopes he’ll laugh again, but instead he gives her a pained look. “Perhaps instead I’ll make sure we find a way to bring you back, ja? I think living Jester is much cooler than a Jester statue could be.”

She grins at him. “You’re such a flatterer. I’ll make sure you don’t get stuck as a statue either, ok?”

They shake on it. His hand is large and warm around hers. They’re friends again, this is fine and great. She goes downstairs to get ready, and tries not to think about what Caleb would look like turning into stone.

***

She doesn’t like the basilisk very much at all. She’d thought on the ship that maybe she felt a little bad for it, if they were killing it just to get its oil. She feels less bad once she sees the chunks of oddly shaped rock littering the island, and way less bad after the first time it manages to catch Beau with its huge teeth.

It’s better than it might have been, since they’d known what to watch out for. Caduceus had wandered up invisibly and cast Blindness on it before it had noticed them, so they can get in to fight without too much danger from its eyes. But it’s still big and toothy, and she just wants to finish it off and get out of here, so they can make it to Travelercon without anyone dying.

It’s looking pretty rough now. She’s just dodged away from its flailing teeth, and feels pretty good about it, when she notices the cloudy whiteness over its eyes starting to clear. She dives back, running towards its tail, yelling to the others as she does. She swivels, trying to count her friends without bringing her gaze anywhere near the basilisk’s eyes. Yasha’s fine, Fjord’s fine, Caduceus is fine. Beau’s on top of it. Nott could be anywhere.

Caleb is right in front of it.

She screams for him to close his eyes. When had he gotten so close to it? Why is he out here where he can get so easily squished or eaten or turned to stone, instead of safely behind a rock setting it on fire. Why isn’t he looking through Frumpkin, or running away, or, or, or…

He looks down at his feet, and Jester’s gaze follows. They’re grey, rooted to the ground, and the stone is traveling up his legs. Caleb winces, finally squeezing his eyes shut, but it’s too late. As the grey stone locks his knees into place, he grabs something from a pocket and starts to cast, opening his eyes again to send the spell at Jester. 

She feels herself start to grow huge even as she runs towards him, taller with each step. It’s too late – his hands are trapped in the last gesture of the spell, the last hairs on his head solidifying. So she turns to the basilisk, lets out all of her rage and fear right into the back of its neck.

It doesn’t take long. The basilisk is dead before she’s shrunk back down. Everyone else is still on their feet, so she rushes over to Caleb.

He’s gone, just a stone statue from head to feet. She remembers the joke she’d made earlier about putting her statue somewhere cool, and feels a little sick. 

“Are you there?” she asks. “Caleb, can you hear me?” Maybe it’s not too late. She raises her hand to slap at his cheeks, but stops herself – what if she hits too hard and breaks him?

It’s going to be ok. They’d know this might happen. When she’d prayed to the Traveler this morning, she’d made sure to ask for something that would help if it did. She touches Caleb’s shoulder, upsettingly cold, and lets the restoration spell flow over him.

It talks a moment, and she starts to get scared, but then the stone under her hand softens into the fabric of his coat. Caleb gasps and wheezes as his lungs begin to work again, and he’s ok, he’s fine, there’s color back in his face again. Jester pulls him into a hug before she can help herself, and he holds her back for a moment before stumbling away.

“Thank you Jester,” he says quietly. “Scheise, that was not a pleasant experience. I am going to go fall down over there.” He points over to a rock. “Maybe, if you are willing, you would like to go sit with me? Only if you want to, of course.”

The rest of the group has made it over by now. They do a round of checks that everyone’s ok, and then Beau and Yasha head over to the basilisk to start extracting the oil. “Ok, yes, cool,” Jester says to Caleb once everyone’s settled down. Her heart’s still going fast from the battle. She follows Caleb over, and he sits heavily on the ground.

“I’m really glad you’re ok,” says Jester. “That didn’t look fun at all.”

“I wouldn’t like to repeat it, no,” he replies. “Better me than you at least though, ja?”

“No it’s not! Why would you say that, Caleb?” She doesn’t want to be a statue either, but it might be better than watching it happen to him was.

“I just meant that you have healing powers, whereas I would be useless.”

“That’s true, that’s true,” Jester says. “I am super good at healing. But I thought you were being all self-loathing again, and you know, you shouldn’t have to suffer either, right? I really really hated watching that happen to you.”

Caleb gives her one of those looks like his heart’s being crushed up into little pieces. “I know.” He looks away, then back. “But you saved me, ja? You brought me back.”

Jester smiles. He’s so close to her, here where they’re sitting on this rock, and she wants to reach out, take his hand, tell him she’d going to try to beat up any basilisk or monster or evil wizard who wants to hurt him. But she doesn’t know how he’ll take it, doesn’t know if he’ll just run off again. So instead she says, “Well, you made me huge so I could kill the basilisk. That was pretty awesome too.”

“Jester,” he says, “I owe you an apology.”

“What, for making me big? That was great!”

“No, not at all. For our conversation back in Nicodranas. For leaving, and for not speaking to you sooner.”

Jester doesn’t know what to feel – relief? Hope? A little bit of anger that he’d left it so long? “I mean, it’s ok,” she says. “I missed you a lot though.”

“I – I missed you too, Jester,” Caleb responds. “I was a coward. I have been living so long with my self-hatred, with the expectation that you would hate me if you knew what I had done, that I didn’t know what to do with the truth.” He clenches his hands together. “But I’ve – I’ve had time to realize how I feel about you, and what you have and haven’t offered. And if you – if you wouldn’t have me anymore, for what I’ve done, or how I’ve treated you these, I would understand that of course, but if you would…”

“Caleb,” Jester says seriously, “do you know how hard it’s been not to draw sexy pictures of myself in your books this whole boat trip? I’ve been trying to give your some space, but if you’ve thought about all your stuff, I would really still like you to come here and kiss me.”

Caleb goes bright red, and she worries for a minute that it was too much, that he’s going to run off again. But then he’s laughing hysterically, to the point of tears, and then she’s laughing too and they’re just sitting there together on a rock next to a dead basilisk, losing it.

Then, as she’s catching her breath, as she’s wondering what to do next because this isn’t how it’s gone in any of her books, he kisses her.

And ok, wow, that’s not like she expected either, but it’s nice, it’s really nice. He’s warm against her, and there’s a hand around her back, and she just really wants to stay here forever. 

There are hoots and cheers from the rest of their team, who’ve come around the rock to check on them. Jester pulls back to wave at them; Caleb’s gone red again, but he’s smiling, and he hasn’t let go of her. There’s still so much to worry about, and a long way to go, but at least they can go there together.


End file.
